nobody wanna be anybody

i've been thinking of being anybody
but i'm merely nobody
i know that i'm uniquely nobody

somehow I can be who I wanna be
because I try

sometimes before I sleep
I've been wondering why am i this bad
why can't i get this and that done properly
so
it makes me believe that
there's nothing to be feared of
and how i can i be better

next day after i woke up
i've changed
i'm closer to who i wanna be
although it's only a bit
but i'm better than the day before

day by day
i'm anybody who everybody wanna be
everybody wanna be me
but i'm still a nobody to myself
and searching for anybody

Why do you need to born a baby (yourself)?

May I know?
Why do you want to have a baby ?

to pass your genes to create more people with the genes you gave?
to have your kids to carry the good genes of yours and make the world better?
to have another you born into the world?
or
you want to wait 9 months for your kid to be borne and watching him grew up?

have you ever think of adopting a orphan?

although you would not be able to see your child behave like you when you were young
but there's a lot of kids out there meant to live better

A New Blog Title

Changed a new title for this blog
the previous title was lame
"Johnny, しんとう & I, CT"
- what to write next

to the current one
"Brand me SChintXIV"
- Make me your brand, SChintXIV

was thinking to change for quite some time already
but always forget

A new chapter of me

been months i didn't really update this blog
now i'm going to write about what happened to me those days (till now)
this will be another lengthy one

as written in previous post
undergoing internship for 3 months
and stayed in Korea for about 4 months
those days in korea

then back to reality again
most of my friends are graduating
and having convocation in coming oct
where i'm still having last semester to go
but it's not the current semester
it's the following semester
i don't need to attend school this semester
for about 4 months

what should i do these months
was planning on either participate in either

- Work and travel to USA
gave up because more money spending
i spent a lot in the pass 4 months in korea

- English learning
to improve my english in British Council
for full time
but dad refused to pay...

finally i got nothing to do but seek for a job
i can only work for short term july - oct
i wonder is there anybody wanna me
so i tried my luck in any IT related field job
if failed then i'll try in Juice KL as promoter
then, i got my offer in the 1st and only application

currently i'm working in this company called
Sage Interactive Sdn. Bhd. as
INTERN... maybe cause i only work for 3 months
never mind actually but...
i need to work from 9-6pm
leads to wake up 7 in the morning
and sleep at 11
normally i reach home at 7
shower, dinner everything till 9
only TWO hours left for free time...
eventually i'm becoming lifeless
but i'll be more lifeless if i'm jobless right

while working
i've learned a lot of stuff different from university
it's totally new to me
+ 1st time reading books with around 800pages
and finished them in a week
so what i learned are programming stuff
e.g. j2ee, servlet, jsp, mvc and so on
something good is that i got my permanent job offer
(when i only worked for a month)
i don't need to worry more after graduate
actually, this is my 1st "official" work
since i used to work for parents before
working with parents is somehow different and not official

+ i'm having japanese class every saturday
i shouldn't go for saturday class if i knew that i'm going to work like this
my japanese will end right the week before my semester start

i'm back in action to Omega Leo Club of KLCC
been away for exactly ONE year
1st task of it is the YE camp in August
something bad happened in the camp
i sprained my leg while trying some jumping move
without warmup and any shoes on

this was the 1st time i really sprained myself 
thought that it's not really a big deal
but i can't walk with this
and taking leaving for one whole week for this
spent a lot of money on my legs
RM60 once treatment
and been through 7 treatments already (more to go)
RM420 on my left ankle
and it seems like i need 2 months to have my ankle fully recovered

then one of my sickness happened 7 years ago is back again
it's something like air leaking from the lungs
where holes exist and gas leak out from lung fill the outer part of lung
then there's no space lung to expand while inhaling
there'll be pain when inhaling
will be taking more leave

now
i've been thinking of the path to move on after my degree
been thinking on whether should i work or continue study in master degree
either way i proceed
i'll still be lost as i'm still not sure about my interest
if i just simply work like this
i'm sure that i'll change my job
not one but few jobs
i've been thinking of being a professor too...
(so i need to continue study and get a phd)
there's still a lot of stuff i wanna try
but it seems like i don't have much chances

어떻게...

just try to enjoy my last bachelor degree life

and everything will be fine when it's about time

am i sick or something?

i don't know how...
i don't feel like myself
there's something wrong with me
not physically
maybe i'm just worrying about everything too much

I've learnt more about myself

it's almost 2 months i've been away from home

and i'm half way in my industrial training

seriously the progress is somehow not really good

but there's something good happened also

it'll keep this to myself 1st

then i've gained some skills and experiences

these are not technical skill

no 1.----------------

1st of all... it's the people around me

cuz everybody having intern here are from a lot of different background

so everybody is completely different

of cuz there's some attitude i couldn't accept

i used to ignore this kind of attitude that i couldn't accept

i'll just ignore them and do it the way i want

so it's something like if you don't like

you can move on to yours and i go for mine

+ the way i'm replying will be rude

cuz it's freaking me out and giving me trouble

but somebody taught me that

we shouldn't do this

cuz we're having fun together

there's a way to make everybody happy

so i'll just back off and let him work it out

at least i'm not the one to make this thing works

sometimes it's really hard for me to understand

how do these people think as it's really unreasonable

it makes me really bitchy

so i'll choose to leave them alone as it's none of my business also

i'm tired of life that need to care about everyone

i know i'm being selfish

but i'll be happier like this

there's too many responsibility for me to carry

no 2.------------------

then this is myself

i've been quite busy now

as the progress of intern is not really good

so i'm working harder on it

with this...

i'm feeling stress

i think that my day is not fulfilled

i'm tensed all day

so i'm skipping classes and practices

to make myself free from tight schedule

schedule is kinda boring

and we always repeating them

it's so boring

and i know that

no matter how busy i am

i'll still make some time for my own

i never know this as i never been like this before

no 3. ---------------------

i don't like to do stuff from the same category twice

the first time maybe okay and interesting

but i'll be bored of it when i'm doing them for the 2nd time

maybe i don't even like it at 1st

i wonder

now i'm curious

is there any job that's hmmmm

always fresh so that i won't get bored of it anytime?

Dead for a Moment

this blog will be dead for a moment i guess
been busying updating the other blog

http://schintxiv-asia-tour.blogspot.com/

now having interns in Busan, Korea
till end of may or beginning of june

weekdays will be staying in lab
every tuesday and thursday will be going for korean class from 6-9pm
then weekends will be going out for sure

2 weeks after will be going for club activities or gym already
so won't have much time online i guess

cheers for intern